I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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