Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
