Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
