Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
