He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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