why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
