I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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