someone threw a dead crab at me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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