My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
