oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
