hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
