we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
