i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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