dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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