Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
