This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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