Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i dont even know how to be here
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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