I accidentally burped into my bong.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
