so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
