Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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