This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize