But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
