and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
