I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
