you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
