This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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