Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
