well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
