is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love having hate sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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