the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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