Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
