ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
