if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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