if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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