so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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