you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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