You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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