dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
