We named our party play list daddy issues
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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