I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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