there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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