My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
