OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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