You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
