dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
