either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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