I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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