what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
