1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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