He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My liver just broke up with me...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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