She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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