She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
