You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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