I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
