the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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