So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
