Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
