im about as happy as oj after his trial
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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