babies were throwing up all over the place
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
