Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
