I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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