i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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