oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
