I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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