I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this beer tastes like vomit already
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
