I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
