everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
