i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
