I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
