Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
