The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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