I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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