I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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