My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
