I want to make a zoo with you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
