Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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