apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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