the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
